“I don’t care to be part of any page that will have me as a member.”


Yet here you are.

“When God Spoke to Moses, A Neighborhood Pug” The Ten Commandments—or Dog-Calogue, if you will—for pooches. In Points In Case, July 10, 2018.

Thus spake the Lord our Dog


That’s Iyerny!” A kid shoplifter with a knack for prose. In riverbabble, June 2018.


“Zee Cabbage Rules”  What’s in a name? Eight great syllables, if you’re Dave Von Hoffenschnitzenberger. In Defenestration, February 28, 2018.


“Sir Rodney Of Dangerfields Takes The Mic,” a Rodney Dangerfield–William Shakespeare mind-meld in The Big Jewel, January 17, 2018.

“By the rood I’m an ugly knave. Even as a child I was ugly. One look at me and Oberon tells Titania, “On second thought, you can keep the changeling!” I tell ya, none accordeth me respect.”


“Literary Outtakes” in The Big Jewel, October 5, 2016.

And so we beat on, like boats against the current, borne ceaselessly into seasickness.
~ Nick Carraway, The Great Gatsby


One morning Gregor Samsa awoke from a bad sleep to discover that he was a pimply, scrawny kid in a cube, so he put on a bug suit to freak out his folks. ~ Franz Kafka, The Metamorphosis


read all of the Literary Outtakes here …


“Bios From a Twentieth Century European Lit Reading” in Thrice Fiction, No. 17, August, 2016. Open PDF and scroll to p. 55.


Brilliant cartoon by David Simmer II.

FRANZ KAFKA woke up from a bad night’s sleep and discovered that he had turned into a loathsome bug. His disgusted father threw an apple that lodged painfully in his back, and Franz’s kind sister, Sophie, filed a criminal complaint against the father for throwing a GMO apple at an endangered species. PETA has caused Franz to be …

read the rest here (scroll to p. 55) …


“Historical Outtakes” in The Big Jewel, June 8, 2016.

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to miss the jokes. ~ George Santayana

You et too, Brute? So what’s with the steak knife? ~ Julius Caesar


read the rest here …


“Book Title Outtakes” in The Higgs Weldon, June 1, 2016.

Doubleplusgood Futuristic Narrative by George Orwell


Frankenstein’s Not The Creature, Surely You Get That? by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley

Holden Caulfield’s Gnarliest Week Ever by J.D. Salinger

Infinite Text by David Foster Wallace

read `em all here …


“Author Bios from an Ancient Lit Reading” in The Higgs Weldon, May 13, 2016.

SIDDHARTHA GAUTAMA, pen name THE BUDDHA, authored The Four Noble Truths and The Eightfold Path. Or did he? He, and I, and you, and they, are free of the illusion of authorship and not attached to the material.


read more …


“Grading Bad” in Go Read Your Lunch, a Breaking Bad parody.


“The New Captain Crunch Commercial” in Feathertale, flash fiction. Just what do those bad boys do when they’re alone?



“A Swingin’ Cat” in Story Shack, flash fiction. A teen goof parties like a teen goof would.